Moments

There are moments in life you'll never forget. For some it may be when they lost their virginity or their high school graduation. I have all of those memories too, but it's fascinating to look at the "little" moments that lead up to the big moments are what really change your life. Before I jump ahead of myself, let me tell you how one of those little moments ended up changing my life.

It was 2011 and I was 22 years old, about to be 23 in a little less than a month. I was living what was supposed to be my dream. I had graduated college the previous December and moved out to Los Angeles to become an editor. No one tells you as you're going through school what it's really going to be like when you start your career. At least they didn't tell me. All I heard was, "if you work hard in school you'll get a good job, make good money, and you'll be happy." The reality of my situation was a little different. I took the first apartment I looked at because for my first week in LA I was living in a shitty hotel in the Russian area of Hollywood. The apartment I lived in was essentially the parking lot of a liquor store. Nothing breaks your spirit like opening up your gate at 7am to the sight of a drunk homeless man, pants around his knees, pissing on a dumpster. This isn't the moment I was talking about earlier, but it is one I'll never forget. He had a bush that only a homeless man drunkenly peeing on a dumpster could have. It was 3 or 4 different colors and it looked like that disaster of a lawn every town has that never gets mowed. All I could see was the urine dripping from where I'm hoping his penis was, to the concrete 20 feet from where I parked my car. From there I would go to my job, which was less editing and more putting together furniture and scraping old labels off of camera cases with Goo Gone and an Ikea butter knife. 

I don't want to sound ungrateful. The people at my first job saved my life. They gave me a job right out of college, and even kept me around for the summer when the show was on hiatus so that I could pay my bills. When a show is on hiatus, theres almost no work to do. That meant I was sitting in an office that used to be a storage closet with the lead assistant editor pretending to be doing something, anything on the computer. Ari Shaffir had Kyle Kinane on his podcast recently talking about his first album, "Life of The Party." In that album he has a line where he's talking about working at a dead end job and he "dares the Internet not to bore him for another day." I remember listening to that line in that office. I laughed, but I would also get depressed because I knew I wasn't happy with the way my life was going. I was so broke that I applied to Best Buy, Dominos and Pizza Hut to work nights and weekends. I never even got an interview. I honestly didn't know what to do with myself.

One day sitting in that office, I decided to write on a Joey Diaz' Facebook wall. To be honest, I'm not sure what made me do it. I listened to his podcast religiously, and I could lie and say I was listening to him as I wrote it. What's more likely is that I was on Facebook and was just bored and just stupid enough that I didn't think it through. I searched his page today but couldn't find my original post. I think it said something along the lines of, "I want to work for a comedian, but I don't want to come off as creepy. Do you have any advice?" What I did find was our first interaction:

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that he had responded. After the excitement wore off I remember wondering how in the world I was going to respond to that. I never imagined that he would respond, much less actually want to hear my ideas. This is my response:

I almost had a panic attack when I read that this morning, about 90 minutes ago. From that note, just over four years ago, my entire life has changed. 

When we first started hanging out, we didn't do any work for the first month or so. The first time I went to his house I showed him how to upload a picture to Twitter on his laptop and he called me an "unadulterated genius." To me, if that was all we ever did, I would have been happy. Luckily, that's not where the story ends. Joey gave me $100 a week to edit videos of him driving around and beeping at people or making fun of people at Target into "Mad Flavor's World." That led to an album, "It's Either You, Or The Priest" which we recorded in one take on a rented Zoom recorder. From there we shot a documentary, "Where I Got My Balls From." Joey put it out to his Facebook and Twitter friends that he wanted to shoot a documentary. He got $2,500 on Pay Pal and Felipe Esparza donated another $500. With $3,000, a rented a camera, and a loaf of banana bread we flew to New York. We shot everything in one day, with no crew and no real plan, but we made it work.

We started The Church on September 02, of 2012. I argued with Joey and told him we could get two microphones but I didn't want to talk on the podcast. He wouldn't take no for an answer. Looking back on it, I'm not sure why. Ive never been a comic, I'm a shy person who doesn't like talking a lot in normal situations, and I personally hate my voice. In a town full of funny comedians there were plenty of other people he could have had co-host. Luckily, he chose me. Its been almost three years of the most fun I've ever had. I get to eat edibles and be a part of amazing conversations. It probably won't hit me how amazing this time is until I'm much older.

This is why I decided to write this post today. Everything I just told you about has led to another crazy adventure. On the nights of September 18th and 19th Joey is finally shooting a special! I couldn't be happier for him. He's funnier than he's ever been, he has a beautiful family, and now he gets to show what all of his hard work has been for. I'm not a comedian and I can't begin to imagine what it's like to shoot a special. But, I imagine it is one of the moments in their career that they'll never forget. I'm lucky enough to be a part of it, and I want as many people who love Joey as much as I do to be there too. Joey is going to be at the South Point Casino September 18th and 19th shooting one show a night.  If you live anywhere near Las Vegas or have never been and have been thinking of coming, now is the time. You can get tickets to the shows here: http://southpointcasino.ticketforce.com/eventperformances.asp?evt=48 If you're looking for a hotel room call the South Point at 866-796-7111 and ask for a room and show package and they'll give you a discount.

Without Joey I don't know where my life would be. When he responded to my Facebook post my life completely changed and I'll never forget it. There's no way I can ever repay him for what he's done for me. My hope for this special is that he has opportunity to show who he really is and how funny he really is. I hope you can come and spend the night with us!

The Countdown

There's an inside joke in my family. Every birthday I had as a child was most exciting for me not because of the presents or the parties, but because it meant I was older. On my seventh birthday I walked into my parents room and sat down next to mother. I looked up at her and said, "only three years 'till double digits!"To be very honest I'm not sure how old I was when this happened. It could've been seven, but it also could've been anywhere between five and nine. It really doesn't matter. I was always counting down to something I perceived as better and I never lived in the moment. My parents joked that all I've wanted for my entire life was a car, an apartment and a job. It was the truth, all I ever wanted to be was an adult who went to work and made money. What's fucked up is that when I got everything I thought I wanted, I wasn't happy.

I was so anxious to be an adult and get a job that I took online courses the summer between my Junior and Senior year at Emerson College. I took these classes while interning full time in Los Angeles. Let's just say it was very lucky for me that Emerson only accepts transfer credits as a Pass or a Fail. As long as I got a C, I got my credits.  I finished college a semester early, packed my life into my used Nissan Altima and drove to Los Angeles. When I say I "drove to Los Angeles," thats exactly what I meant. I didn't stop at Graceland, I didn't stop at the Grand Canyon, most days I would eat my lunch while I was driving because I wanted so badly to be in Los Angeles, working already. I did the three thousand mile drive in four days, the only problem was, I had no where to live. 

Los Angeles is a very weird town apartment wise. In Boston, you look for apartments three months in advance. In Los Angeles, if you're not moving within two weeks you're wasting your time. I wasn't going to rent someplace over the phone and I didn't feel comfortable crashing on the couch of the only person in town I knew so I got a hotel room. I lasted one night at the first hotel. I should have known it wasn't going to work out when the first key they gave me was to a room with someone already living in it. The second room was barely an improvement. There were two cots masquerading as beds, paint was peeling off of the walls, and I've seen cleaner bathrooms at a truck stop. The following morning I packed my clothes and I got a room at a Rodeway Inn next door. It was barely big enough for the full bed and a mini fridge but at least it was clean and no one was in my room. I had enough money to pay for five days, after that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to pay first month's rent and security deposit at an apartment.

Finding an apartment actually isn't that hard when you're broke and you don't have any standards. I took the first apartment I saw.  "The most desirable street in The Valley" my future land lord told me on the phone. What they didn't tell me was that to get to my apartment I would have to walk through the parking lot of a liquor store. Which is fine, if you like seeing a lot of homeless men with their pants down pissing behind a dumpster. Judging from experience, man grooming isn't much of a concern for the homeless population of Sherman Oaks. But back to the apartment. Despite the surrounding scenery it could have been a great place. However, my landlord was about as interested in maintaining my apartment as I was interested in running a marathon. It was one of four bungalows you see all around LA. If you're unaware, bungalow is the French term for tiny house built in the 20's for C-level actors to live in. My bedroom was a walk in closet, and the living room was big enough for a love seat and a TV. Another glorious part of that apartment was the ants. There were thousands of them. Little tiny assholes who were always there, no matter if I left food out or not. It got to the point that I had a bottle of Clorox Cleanup next to my bed and I would murder any ant I saw. I would leave them on the wall or wherever they were as warnings to the other ants. But apparently ants aren't scared off easily. I had a place to live, I had my car, now its time to work.

I was very lucky, the show I interned for the previous summer offered to hire me so finding a job wasn't an issue. The problem was the vast difference between what I thought I should be doing and what I was actually doing. I spent the first year and a half of my professional career building office furniture, using goo gone and a butter knife to scrape old labels off of camera cases, moving boxes and other tasks I try not to think about. There is very little more demoralizing than paying back student loans after sweating all day in a basement storage locker that smelled so bad I was sure it was giving me some new kind of cancer. I had a car, an apartment, and a job, but I wasn't happy.

The only thing worse than working in that basement, was waking up every day hating my life. Long after I left that show I was working nights on another show. I was working 7pm until 5am six days a week. I used to wake up between 1pm and 3pm and the first thing I would do is look at my phone and figure out how long I had until I had to leave for work. Six hours, five hours, four hours... I would blink and magically three hours had passed. I had the same countdown once I got to work, but things worked a little differently. I would be working and working and working. When I finally looked at the clock, only thirty minutes had gone by. I don't like saying I was depressed because I think a lot of people over use that word. I will say my first three years in Los Angeles were the saddest I've ever been. 

Looking back on it, it's funny because it's gotten to the point where I have a strange love for those days. I learned more stacking boxes than I did in sixteen years of school. I learned that I can get through anything. I learned that you have to start at the bottom, no matter your qualifications. Nothing makes me laugh harder than talking to someone right out of college telling me they turned down a job because the title or pay wasn't prestigious enough. Frankly, I would have a very hard time working with someone who didn't start out at the bottom. There are so many details I saw as minor when I first started that I now know are vital. Another one of my favorites is someone telling me their boss asked them to work late or weekends, and they said no because they wanted to hang out with friends. I still don't have friends in Los Angeles. I have a couple people from my first job I love hanging out with but I haven't seen them in almost two years. I have Paula and Joey and that is IT. Without them I would be 500 pounds going from my house to my office with my only stop being a drive thru. I worked every night shift, weekend shift, overnight I was offered. I definitely wasn't the best worker, but I know there wasn't anyone who worked harder than I did.

For nearly a year and a half I have made a living only by working on The Church Of What's Happening Now. I live in a much smaller apartment, I don't have cable anymore, and I have a lot less material things then I would have if I had stayed working in television. I have done thousands of hours of free work trying to get other podcasts off the ground. My family and friends ask me almost daily when I'm going to get a real job. "No one has fun at work." "All you do is get high, that's not a career." Trust me I've heard it all, and I understand where they're coming from. A lot of people must think I'm crazy to be doing what I'm doing. But I've never been happier. Joey Diaz is one of my best friends, and I get paid to hang out with him. Every time we do a podcast I laugh more than a lot of people do in a month. I have met some of the biggest comedians, UFC fighters, and actors in the world. I'm not sure how long this podcast thing will last. Maybe my next episode will be my last. I am finally learning to live in the moment and not worry so much. I know money will eventually come. Whether that means podcasting, managing comedians, or maybe I'll go back to editing some day. I honestly don't know what the future holds for me. I know I'm having a lot of fun right now and for the first time I'm not counting down for anything. Good or bad.

Thank you for checking this out. If you want to contact me I would love to talk: Flyingjewradio@gmail.com

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The Atomic Tweet

First of all, I would like to say thank you to everyone who read last week's blog or listened to the first episode of Flying Jew Radio with Steve Simeone. The support I have received via email, twitter and comments has been amazing. I've been, for the lack of a better word, scared to start releasing these podcasts for months. Now I'm excited to record more and share them with you guys. If you missed the episode, catch up here: Flying Jew Radio. On to the blog:

One of the things I am realizing the older I get, is that I know nothing. That is not to say I'm a dumb person. I always had decent grades in school and I have more street smarts than my "printer paper" white skin should allow. What is very quickly becoming more and more apparent, is that we as people are not all created equal like I was taught from an early age. Our life is molded by our experiences. That two people who grew up next door to each other can have extremely opposing views on very serious subjects. Now, that may seem like something I should have known, and I thought I did. But let me explain what I've learned in the past few years.

I need to establish a few things. I grew up in a very wealthy town. The student parking lot looked more like a luxury car dealership than a high school parking lot. I grew up very privileged compared to most people. In my town however, I was one of the poorer families. This meant I grew up in a modest house, not a mansion. My parents had regular cars, not luxury cars. And our vacations were to Disney World, not Europe. While I was growing up I did wish that we had more money. It would have been nice if my parents were able to buy me a car when I got my license, like a lot of my friends parents were. Instead, I drove my mom's minivan to my job at CVS every Friday-Sunday. I remember sweeping the stock room on the evening of July 4th when I knew most of my friends were out enjoying a BBQ. When I scraped together $2,000 my dad took me to a used car lot. It was one of the ones where someone pulled up to an empty grass lot one day, used a trailer as an office and parked a bunch of shit boxes in the grass. The best car I could afford was a 1997 Chevy Cavalier, Rally Sport Edition. The paint was peeling off the hood, the doors would freeze shut (or open) if it got too cold, and the horn didn't work. Believe it or not, I still love that car. I know it inside out. I wish I still had it. I love it because it reminds me of how hard I need to work.

I told you that because I wanted to tweet something last night. That might not make sense but it will. For those of you who don't care about the Oscar's, you may not know but Sean Penn made a joke as he awarded Alejandro González Iñárritu his Oscar for Best Picture. The joke was about Iñárritu getting a green card. If Kim Kardashian thought her picture broke the Internet, this joke was an atomic bomb dropped on social media. People were outraged. "How dare he?" "He's a racist!" You can imagine all of the tweets and Facebook posts. In fairness, I didn't check the response on Myspace. I was balls deep into an Anarchy Edibles Rice Crispy treat so I fell asleep way before this happened but I woke up a couple hours after. While checking Twitter I noticed something. A large portion of the offended people were white, and most of the responses I saw from Hispanic people either thought it was funny or didn't seem to care. I wanted to tweet something to the effect of: "Sure seems to be a lot of offended white people. Maybe Hispanic people aren't upset because they are too busy working multiple jobs to support their families to care." I decided not to tweet it. I did that because I wasn't in the mood to deal with the inevitable replies that thought my tweet was racist, the joke was racist, or any other negative response you can think of. This really pissed me off. More at myself than at any potential negative tweeter. If I'm going to be, as Matt Fulchiron called me, a "radio personality" I can't worry about the response to what I say. Within reason, I shouldn't have a filter. I shouldn't worry about what Joey thinks, what my family thinks, or what listeners think. This is something I need to work on, and I don't think I'm alone.

A lot of the white people who were so offended by the joke are trying to make up for their white privilege. Why else would they be so upset by a joke about a Hispanic person getting a green card? Most of them probably don't care. As a white person I can say the idea of white privilege is completely new to me. Of course I've heard the term before, and of course I know it is easier going through life as a white person. But before I started dating Paula, who is Mexican, the idea never played any role in my life. Over the past year and a half Paula and I have talked about it a lot. She never gets mad at me about it, she doesn't hate white people, and she only calls me white devil in private. What we talk about is her personal experience and some of the times she has felt the effects of white privilege. I am constantly blown away. My race plays no role in my daily life. I never thought about it while I was applying for college or jobs. I have never had to justify my life choices to anyone who think I am selling out. This is something that, a lot of minorities have to deal with. I am only two years older than Paula. In a world where everyone is created equal we would have a very similar story. But if she lived in the house that I grew up in, took the vacations I took, or had the things I had, she would not have consider herself poor. She grew up 10 miles from Beverly Hills, a town not too far off from my hometown. Instead of BMW's she took the bus. Instead of a modest house, she grew up in a small apartment that had no A/C. I've made my point. 

What annoyed me so much about the thought of white people tweeting at me that I'm racist or I don't know what I'm talking about because of white privilege is that they don't know what that means. I still don't really know what it means. I probably never will. I do know, that even if Sean Penn is racist. Even if Alejandro González Iñárritu got upset at the joke. I would bet that Iñárritu is more upset that the story's are about a joke, rather than the film he made. I didn't see "Birdman," I've actually heard its not that great of a movie. But would the same people who are mad at Sean Penn be mad at him if he made a Jewish joke? Would they be mad if another Hispanic person made the same joke Penn made? I would bet they wouldn't be. I bet Iñárritu wouldn't give a fuck about a chubby Jewish guy's tweet. And if you do, you're part of the problem, not the solution.

Flying Jew Radio

Truth be told I started writing this blog last week. I sat down to write and I didn't know how to say everything I wanted to say. I was going to give up and then I spoke with Joey this morning and he convinced me to give it another shot. As I write this I find myself writing and then re-writing sentences. I should explain why this is so important to me.

For the past 15 months I have been doing nothing except podcasting. My entire professional life has turned into me talking into a microphone. It is all I think about. And if you asked Paula, it is most of what I talk about, which I'm sure at this point is more than just a little annoying. The truth is I have nothing else. I cannot fail. 15 months out of television editing is the same as 15 years. Even if I wanted to go back I'd have to go back to where I started when I moved out here more than 4 years ago. All of that aside, I don't want to go back. I love everything about podcasting. I love the guests I meet and the conversations I have.

All I've ever heard or experienced is that no one likes their job. It's something you have to do to pay the bills and there is no use complaining because everyone does it. The most you can hope for is finding a boss who you don't hate and eventually make enough money that you can have and do fun things in your time away from the office. When I was editing that was my life. I woke up every day with a pit in my stomach. Even though I was making good money and had a good job, I hated where I was going. I don't know if it was depression, but I certainly wasn't happy. For the past 15 months I have loved every second of what I do. My family and friends might not understand why I gave up a high paying job, and I might even have dark moments when I question it. But when it comes down to it I wouldn't change my decision.

The time has come for me to branch out and let you, the listener, know more about me. The Church Of What's Happening Now is one side of me. I get stoned out of my mind on edibles with Joey and I laugh more in one night than most do in a week. There is more to me than that. I think my podcasting strength lies in the questions I ask rather than the jokes I make. That will be the focus of Flying Jew Radio. I will be lucky enough to have some very funny comedians as guests, but my goal is to talk to them more about their journey. I will also be talking with actors, other podcasters, law students, and anyone who has an interesting journey. I want to to talk to people who have experience in their field, so that young people listening can learn from them and follow in their footsteps and maybe avoid some of their mistakes. I want to talk to young people who are already successful and see what their plan is for continuing on that path. This podcast will undoubtedly evolve, but that is where I see it going at this point. This podcast will not be The Church Of What's Happening Now. My hope is to let you into my chubby jewish world. I hope you enjoy it.

I will be releasing my first podcast today, February 16, 2015. From now on I plan on alternating weekly between podcast episodes and blog posts, which can be found here. I appreciate you listening and reading and I look forward to taking this journey with you.

My podcast can be found here: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/flying-jew-radio/id776509896?mt=2