Seventy pounds. Well really two hundred and fifteen pounds, but I’m skipping ahead. As some of you probably know last year I juiced for about thirty days. I lost roughly seventy pounds. It was amazing, I hadn't been that light since my early days college probably. I’ve always been a fat kid. Im not sure if it’s genetics or because the other kids hadn't figured out that watching TV and eating peanut MM’s is more fun than…you know…being outside.
There are three points, looking back, where I really started putting on weight. The first of which was me getting my drivers license. I grew up in a very nice town about 45 minutes outside of Boston. Looking back it was a great place for a kid to grow up, but there was nothing to do.It’s almost entirely residential and no real center of town where kids can hang out. So when I got my licensee and bought my first car I had what every kid desires, freedom. Freedom for me meant that I could get whatever I wanted to eat, whenever I wanted it. I still remember some of my go to orders. These amazing spicy chicken fingers and fries from a pizza place in Maynard whose name I don’t remember. BBQ chicken wings and fries from Tennessee’s BBQ in Framingham. Side Note: If you're in Mass and are near a Tennessee’s I still contend these are the best wings I've ever eaten. But my favorite, and the main reason I got into this situation, is fast food. It’s delicious, quick, and cheap. I know its terrible for you. I know its not real food. It doesn't matter. To this day I love it.
Which leads me to the second event. When I moved to Los Angeles I was very fortunate to have a job. It was nothing glorious but it was on a good show and for decent money for an entry level job. I worked whenever I was asked. My usual schedule was 10am-7pm Monday - Friday. But TV doesn't follow a schedule, many days Id be asked to come early, stay late, and occasional weekend, which I was more than happy to do. I also spent roughly two of my three years working in television working the night shift. Which means 6 or 7pm until 4 or 5 am. Again, I was young and hungry (not for food) and It’s what I had to do. When I was working days I never had breakfast because I preferred sleep over food. The first thing I ate was probably a free Nature Valley Granola bar free from the office. And no, I didn't have it because I thought it was healthy. I had it because it was free and delicious. No better way to start a productive day than a Nature Valley Bar and a Diet Coke. For lunch I probably had a burrito or something from one of the many food trucks that lined up outside my office. For dinner I ate solely fast food. My excuse was that after my 60-90 minute drive home the last thing I wanted to do was cook. I was so tired I didn't even want to get out of the car at a restaurant. I had three to five go to places I would rotate between for dinner, because god forbid one of the drive thru workers recognized me. Which actually did happen when I worked the night shift. Then, even if I wanted to stop at a restaurant (which I did not) theres little open at 4 or 5am other than fast food. Granted, I could've gone grocery shopping. Maybe made a sandwich at home, which isn't perfect but is still better than fast food. But I was tired and lazy and I chose to take the easy route.
As you can imagine I gained weight quickly. I’m not sure how quickly because I would never go near a scale. Which goes back to my high-school days of sneaking out of wrestling practice rather than weigh-in in front of the entire team. I also never worked out. I mean ever. What kept my weight down(ish) in college was the fact that I lived in downtown Boston and walked everywhere. Its not uncommon to walk 1-2 miles somewhere, especially if I had been out drinking past the T closing. in Los Angeles almost no one walks. There are of course exceptions to the rule. You will see people walking but those people most likely are in Hollywood, people who take the bus, or homeless people. I am none of those things. If you ever visit Los Angeles just drive around. More likely than not the sidewalks will be completely empty. Ive seen people drive less than a block to pick up lunch. I was one of those people.
February 2013. I was working nights at Hells Kitchen. One of my coworkers and I were talking and somehow the documentary “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” came up. I had just seen it. I don’t remember how I found it. I probably saw it on Facebook or something like that. I was immediately convinced that juicing was for me. I’m a special kind of idiot. Almost anytime I watch a documentary Im immediately convinced of everything I just saw. “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead,” was no different. I watched the director Joe and a truck driver named Phil lose roughly 100 pounds each and all you had to do was juice. I have tried every diet out there. Atkins, South Beach and Nutrisystem just to name a few. But this one, this was the quick fix I had hoped for.
My friend and I agreed to juice together. I got the same brand juicer that they used in the documentary, I found a recipe I thought I could handle and I was off to the races. I think I lost close to twenty pounds in the first week. I’m not sure, if you want to check you can go to my Youtube channel where I did a daily Vlog. I went to the store every other day and filled my cart with kale, cucumber, broccoli, carrots, celery, apples and grapes. Nothing could stop me now. I could do this for sixty days no problem. Of course that’s not how it worked. I’d say about twenty days in I started to get sick of the juice. I went from making a batch every day to making a batch every two - three days. It got to the point where I could barely swallow it. I only made one kind of juice because it took me so long to find a recipe I liked and I didn't want to take a chance in trying something new. Towards the end I would go entire weekends only having water. Roughly thirty days in, just before a visit from my mother my leg started tingling and I wasn't feeling healthy. I was sick to my stomach and I felt weak. So I ended the fast about a week earlier than I planned. I wasn’t worried though. In just over a month I lost roughly seventy pounds and I was sure that not only would I keep it off, but I would do another fast after my mom left and lose the remaining eighty pounds I needed to lose. Of course that didn't happen. I tried to restart juicing but the smell of it would make me gag and I couldn't bring myself to do it for more than maybe five days. I got down to 229.
The issue with fasting is once you start eating again you put weight on, and quickly. I was eating what I thought was healthy. I was making food at home and wasn't going to fast food. But slowly that began to change. I’d get Wendy’s if I had been drinking or smoking weed. I’d order a pizza and wings for the Pats game, because how could I possibly watch football without pizza and wings? Impossible.
I know this blog post seems like Im making excuses, and I am. Im not blaming anyone other than myself. Yeah my genetics aren’t great but my brother is a body builder so that’s not it. If I had to guess I think I have a food addiction but that’s also kind of bullshit. I like food that’s bad for me and I don’t like working out. But my goal is only to tell a story. I told you that so I can tell you the third event. I met my amazing girl friend Paula. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about Paula. I want to spend all the time I can with her. This led to a lot of eating out and meals at her mother’s house. Which for a white guy eating real Mexican food for the first time was not good for my weight. Over the first eleven months of our relationship I put on the rest of the weight I had lost plus fifteen pounds. I was 315 pounds. That’s way too much, for anyone. Ever.
Joey Diaz, a comedian I’ve been working with for over 3 years and my best friend had been on me to start exercising. All he wanted me to do was walk. And I fought him on it for months. I did it a couple times but there was always an excuse not to. He took me with him to his shows in Austin, Texas and when I saw the pictures of that weekend I knew something had to change. I went on Twitter and asked for recommendations for an IPhone App to count calories and people told me about My Fitness Pal. Another comedian and friend, Steve Simeone had been telling me he’d help me start working out. I was way too embarrassed to work out with someone but he convinced me. I joined 24 hour fitness. I was finally going to do this. And bless her heart, Paula was going to join me. I know if she hadn't I would never have made it this far.
The first day I went to the gym was June 18, 2014. I remember because Joey was on Joe Rogan’s podcast. I did barely 15 minutes on the elliptical and went home. I was exhausted. I slept literally the rest of the day and that entire night. I was counting my calories on My Fitness Pal. I still don’t eat perfectly but on most days i stay under my allotted calories. Which has gone from just over 1800 to right now its 1530. No more fad’s. I can’t take the easy way out. There is no quick fix. It will be five months tomorrow. It has taken me almost five times as long to lose the same amount of weight I lost in one month juicing. It has been frustrating at times. But with Paula’s help, who has lost over sixty pounds as well, I know I have a better chance at keeping the weight off this time. I just weighed myself and I am currently 244. That is way more than I should be, but for me its the skinniest I've been in a long time. It’s been a long almost two years. And I have about one hundred more pounds to go, but after losing, gaining and losing 215 pounds Im excited for the future.
Side note:
I know a lot of people have issues with weight loss and if anyone out there thinks they can’t do it or it’s too late it’s really not. You don’t have to only eat salads or go gluten free. There will always be someone who will tell you your diet is wrong. The only thing that matters is doing what you can handle. There’s no point in killing yourself doing something for two weeks and then giving up because it’s too hard. Do it at your own pace. Good Luck!
